Tuesday, October 4, 2011

What Hurts The Most.

I'm so drained.

Physically and emotionally.

All these endless quarrels are tearing me up inside.

I can feel my heart dying,

With every painfully slow beat.

And I guess someday soon

It'll flat-line..

Then I'll very well be a living zombie

I wish I could be strong enough.

Strong enough not to cry when things don't turn out the way I want them to.

Strong enough to bite my lip and not despair whenever I am given another disappointment.
Strong enough to smile and laugh in your face each time you hurt me with your words.

I admit I've lost the zest to live already.

I don't even want to work hard for anything anymore.

I don't have the passion to keep on going.

I have no idea what's come over me.

I seriously thought that every time Misery Clown pays me a visit,

I would at most weep to sleep,get over it and get back on my feet the next day.

I've done that and it does slight relief,sometimes.

But I guess there is a limit to everything,

A limit to how much heart-ache a human heart can take.

Right now,

I am very much overwhelmed..

I've lost sanity.

At this point,

I am guessing what you would say when you saw this.

Which I doubt you will for now.

You'd say I'm wallowing in self pity.

You'd say I'm brooding and being hyper sensitive over things.

I don't even wanna justify myself anymore.

I don't even expect you to understand anymore either.

I'm so tired with Life.

And the way things are.

I really do wanna get a job to share the burden with you,

But right now I'm too depressed to know what I'm doing.

I wake up every morning wanting to die/disappear.

I don't wanna be unfair to anyone.

I know you can't afford to wait anymore..

I'll do anything to have us back the way we were when we first met.

I'll do what I can to get the financial means so you'll stop being so critical towards me,

so that you'll stop thinking I'm such a parasite.

I just wanna be the best in your eyes...

How can you ever understand?

How do I make you understand?

How do I even begin.....?

2:46 AM

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