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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Updates have been ceasing but I do still want to come here and rant sometimes.
I've also been bugging Baby to update.
But seems like he's too nonchalant about it.
Which is kinda disappointing,really.
It's ironic that he was the one who started the blog and started keeping his tattered diary of "Days with Glenda"and now this lack of updates from him.
I just don't know what to make of it.
And I do wonder if he ever reads what I write here.
Can't accept this change in him,try as I might.
I just wished he could make me feel the way I felt when we weren't together yet.
It was only then that I felt I really mattered to someone.
It was then I felt that my smile mattered so much that a person could risk anything to see it plastered on my face,
It was then I felt that I was somebody's whole world.

Right now,I think my happiness has come to a standstill.
I'm stuck where I am and I can't go forward to a sure future or step back to bask in the glory of young,budding love.
They always say that every relationship has a honeymoon period.
But why can't it be just a wee bit longer?
The stage we're at now is like a barren plateau.
A flat land smacked right in the middle of a valley and mountain where it can't get any worse or any better.
I really don't want this.
I want to feel like a teenager in love everyday.
I want that so much.
Can I be 18 forever?

I think my only weakness is that I loved too much,
right now I can't take that love back anymore.
And this love for him is killing me so slowly,tearing me apart from the inside.
But whenever I see his smile,
It seems that all the pain and struggles are worth it.
And I melt like a fool all over again.

Maybe the best way to picture this would be an anagram.
I'm a porcupine whose pricks are there to protect herself from her predators.
And just to love him the best I can,
I plucked them off one by one so I could embrace whatever he gave,
But I left myself with bleeding,gaping holes where the spikes used to be.
And too weak and vulnerable to self-defend
How can a porcupine ever live without its pricks,you ask?

I just wish that somehow he knew..
11:51 AM
Nσus


We were given: Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen. But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find.

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